I can travel to any time in my life
in the whim of memory deep
there I sit reflecting upon my own self
many such times reclaim the present
in order to bring themselves returned

In all and every time
one unmistakeable form of life presents
one dire wish of the heart undeniable
it shines upon my face then
and even now as I recall
as it has always been there

Without change have I sought my God
in every stage
by every means
through all my darkness and light
while I was righteous
and when I was vile
when hungry
when satiated
when sorrowed and when in joy

The days I witnessed the greatness of men
and the days I witnessed the horrors of mankind
the days I witnessed the lovelessness of women
and the days I felt the kindness of one woman
still have I sought
always and forever

When given to I have sought
when robbed I have sought
when truth be told I sought
when lied to I sought
there is no time it has left my heart
there is no condition it has removed itself

In moments of life beautiful I sought
and in moments of condemning death
that I myself did wish upon myself
did still my heart want for my God

Blessings and Curses I have known in great abundance
Neither took my desire from me

I say in truth, without lie
that I have known sacred souls upon this earth
and I have wrestled with demons in vast darkness
I have felt the awe of the spirit of Life
and have been lashed to my very blood by evil ones
And still nothing has removed my will to meet my God

What is it that can be said?
For I have left no stone unturned in every path I walked
and I have left no thought unexplored
and no legend unconsidered
and no words have been banished
and no discovery has been ignored
neither has their been unwillingness
to examine the history revealed

I hear the words of those who have found their God
and I see the works of they who have proclaimed their Savior
and I have felt such peace in my heart
for them
I praise their God for bringing their spirit to light

Indeed I have walked their paths also
and gave away all in order to understand
Some have called me evil for the wickedness of my youth
and some have called me wise for the words of my heart
all the while I have loved them both for their simple serenity

Much has been given and revealed and bestowed and honored and explained
and much has been shown and offered and unleashed to this one man
who yet does have a lifetime to discern

That still in the memory alone when I was three
and in the memory at seven when I walked the road
and the memory beside the oceans at twelve
and with death at my door at fourteen
all the way till now as age is taking me
Still
is every image the same upon the bones of my face
of he who looked for God in everything

This look can be seen in the eyes of many upon the earth
and in sincerity I do not believe there is a greater sorrow
or burden or task or isolation or even a deeper secret
than that of those who have never ceased their want to know God

I am not even sure if it is a choice or not
It just is a reality of the spirit
that reaches down into every place of the heart
drifts through every part of the mind
and touches every portion of the flesh also
always and forever

Ryan o0o

All Words and Images (unless otherwise noted)
Copyright © 2005-2014 Ryan Ranney – Ranney Studios
Painting/Image curtesy Pixaby

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