My greatest failure, has always been in loving another

How do we give our love to another
So that they feel and know and are warmed by it?

How do we offer our love to another
So they know they are safe, they are accepted, they are cherished?

How do we reveal our heart to another
So that they trust our love is true and given for them?

Of these things a million words have I spoke
And of these things a million times have I failed

Of these things a million actions have I taken
And of these things a millions times was it taken away

How do we reveal the soul we are
Without casting ourselves away in darkness?

How do we reveal what lives in us
Without losing the intent of our heart in expressing?

An entire life have I strived to give love
To my family, to my Friends, to my lovers

And to this hope have I cried terrible tears
Knowing my lack of skill, and lack of knowledge

I am as a barren tree, or a dry desert
Where the fruit has fallen away, and sand has overtaken
All while my heart toils to grow

I am as a lost soul, wondering the earth
Witnessing the most beautiful of people
Living their lives as though unaware of my presence

Though I am there, am I also an image I cannot escape
Statues of saints and demons bare my name placed upon them
Frozen in time as they were first created

Though I am here, am I also trapped behind shadows
Of who I was meant to be, or desired to be
From loss of what I believed to be known

God, please take away the silence of my voice
And restore the palaces built that have crumbled
Where stone upon stone fell to the ground
Of everything created in joy and love

God, please awaken my heart from sorrow
That I may give what I intend
That it may be received as it was given
That those I love may enjoy the gift of it

For of myself, is there nothing to desire
Nor can anyone see such a man as he is
Indeed such one without earthly treasure or wisdom
Whose hope is simply to live in the light of life

Let it be God, that Your love exists in me
For what is there to salvage of finite man?
Let it be God, that Your words and actions
Find home in my heart and in my hands.

As nothing I have done has produced fruit
And nothing I have spoken has produced peace
And nothing I have given has lasted
And nothing I have awaken did not again fall asleep

For when I think upon friends
And dwell upon family
And meditate upon my lovers needs
Do I find all manner of futile lack in me
And the failure of my effort, to give love

Though love exists so strongly inside me
And truth is spoke by me with earnest hope
Never has my own transmission been clear
Neither can I reveal myself
So that I am seen to be one who truly loves them

I have not the words, the power or the grace
There is no strength in me to bare the cross of isolation
Nor the barrier of separation that is natural to human experience
But there does exist deep sorrow
That these most precious of souls
Have not received my love, because of my powerlessness

Why should we know of such greatness of love
If we cannot achieve the fulfillment of it?
Why should we know the utter darkness without love
Simply because we cannot offer it as flesh?
For this very thing is most certainly a great evil
And the deepest of pits for the broken spirit

I desire, that those I love, be given love
I desire, that those I love, receive love
And I desire, that those I love, feel loved
For they are the jewels of the earth
And the lights of the heavens
Truly are they worthy of the richness of my heart
That it be given to them purely

But I am man, without voice to be heard
Without actions to be cherished, without hands of grace
I am as a single small flower, lashing about in a storm
Where rain has washed away the soil that held me
And hail has crushed the beauty that adorned
Never can the flesh be enough to express love
Nor the love of man to be desired

Of Your love God, do I fail to transmit
And of my love, do I fail to express

So please God, my Father and Life
Give Your love to they whom I love
So that they may embrace You
And Speak your voice inside my mouth
So that they may hear Your love
And put Your mercy and passion into my arms
So that they may find Your home

So that they do not live all their days
Without Love, Hope, Peace, Charity, Security and Safety
So that they never walk in darkness alone
Not knowing how loved they are
As I must abandon my desire that I can give
For it is futile and awkward and powerless
And I must remember that all love comes only from You

Ryan o0o