Oh God return Thy humble ways
Seal up the doors of Rage
Cast away the key to the pit
Strip down the unrelenting sorrow
Sooth the wounds of time
Banish the masters of darkness!

Who shall I fall to my knees
that they may be forgiven this
continual angst?

Where shall I crawl to
find this forgotten heart of mine!

What shall I sacrifice
in order to restore sacredness
to this everlasting dream?

When shall these coals of
ash cease their burn upon my flesh?

Why has darkness replaced
Your graceful light?

All the days of my life have I sought peace
and yet here in the end there is war!

All the paths I have explored
were in seeking You
and yet in the end
I am lost in the den of bitterness!

Is it enough that in ALL goodness
You bestowed before
Now is as it never were?

My bones rebel against my own flesh
my skin crawls at the slightest movement
my heart flutters weakly
There is outrage pouring through my blood.
It boils so deeply.

That which was of beauty has withered to dust
and left a trembling corps of fear behind.
My lips betray my every word
and curse the days of my eyes.

Yet cry out..
Yet cry out…
Yet cry out….
to Silence and nothingness!

The fortified home even mistrusts its own foundations
The glorified palace becomes a facade of vanity
The beginning mocks the end
and the end mocks the very beginning of grace.

Who shall find shelter now
on the chest of forgotten rest?

OHH The Rage in me against my oppressor
is beyond measure.
Where is my love now as he chisels my heart into stone?
What a fool to rely on former deeds.

Was it enough to watch time and measure destroy inch by inch?
Was it enough that those who sat at my table would curse me?
Was it enough that those who are innocent should perish?
Was it enough that those who prospered now hound me for payment?
Was it enough that everything in my hands are in the hands of robbers?
Was it enough that those I loved seek ways to punish?
Was it enough that those little ones I gave to were taken from me?
Was it enough that all the creative works of my heart were distanced from me?
Was it enough that those who found freedom in me now find prison?
Was it enough that those who trusted in me now seek trust elsewhere?
Was it enough that those who heard me hear lies and rumors now?
Was it enough that all my good words became curses?
Was it enough that my own reflection exposes a man of horror?
Was it enough that my heart should be feared?

Was it enough that nothing can be understood,
and all that is said is heard different,
and all that is heard is not what was said,
and all that is felt in me is obsolete,
and all that is felt by another must be my master,
and all that was known is now unknown,
and all that was unknown is now known of things I HATE??

Was it enough to find the spirits returning over and over and over
with glee in their eyes for the wreckage?
Was it enough that all have found themselves my judge?
Was it enough that the most precious of most beautiful souls
withers away fleeing my presence?
Was it enough that I no longer find one good measure of Your spirit in me?
Was it enough for me to agree with them all that I am a wretch and a sinner?

How cunning is the warrior who entered into my camp.
How brilliant is his mind.
How powerful is his command.
How superior is his strategy!

Every tool of every trade,
and every friend of every knowledge,
and every step to root out the weeds,
and every humbling to accept the terms,
and every prayer to seek relief
has gone only to strengthen my enemy!

Where is this place?
What has become of life?

I loathe now my own self,
and in self loathing loathe that as well.

And in this I find no solution
but to accept every lie as my reality
and hear the words of my betrayal
and speak the sounds of my guilt
and taste the lashing of my reward
and to see a dream created by God become horrors
and to watched my loved ones flee with hate also in their eyes.

To this door into which the destroyer entered
I burn and burn down again
to no avail.

I cannot win
My God I cannot live.
My soul is stained with the doubt of loved ones.
My heart is as a worthless rock, with none desiring it.
I stand before my greatest fear of all,
of all time,
of all things!

That I should be forsaken by God, unwanted
and bring harm to the hearts of his Children.

Oh God return thy humble ways
Seal up the doors of Rage
Cast away the key to the pit
Strip down the unrelenting sorrow
Sooth the wounds of time
Banish the masters of darkness!

I cannot bare this burden any longer
I cannot live to see my own life
bring sorrow to another.

Who shall I forgive?
What shall I do?
Why can I not kill this enemy?
Where must I go that my loved ones are safe?
When shall it end that they are blessed?

How is it so important that I should fall?

My heart cries out
Because inside is a deep cavern
Of the little boy waiting.

Oh how I miss you my God.
Oh how so much I miss the trust of Your ways.
I cannot bare this loss,
of my heart and my inspiration
of my only good rest
And my only joy on earth.

Ryan o0o