I embrace you only in my heart
As my hands are empty
To love you.

I wish for you only in my dreams
As my soul is poured out
To give to you.

There you were
For this single moment
That will last forever
In me.

All of my days have I considered your arrival
Weighed my spirit to be your guide
Sought after you
With great hope.

My heart imagined you building sand castles
Running through the grass
Laughing and playing
As we discovered little creatures to explore.

Even your smile was foretold
As your eyes reflected my own.

I recall the years of my own life
That should have also been yours
Those many days
Which could have been known to you.

I had but one chance, just one
To bring you with me…
Though the unknown
Crafted other plans for you.

Now I have fallen to the earth
As my knee bends to the soil
Where my spirit cries endlessly
Missing you.

And how is it, that I know you
Without ever meeting you?
And how is it that I will never forget you
Without ever sharing this life with you?

And how shall it be that I can go on without you my Child?
For there is this place in me
Reserved only for you.

There is a path before me
That was made for you to walk.

There was this great purpose in me
That was to be given to you.

Knowing that I have always loved you
And that I will always love you
Even without the promise of our togetherness
Has been your revelation to me
That you did not have to give.

There is never time to say
What is in our hearts.

So, even without you
I will speak to you every day
I will take your spirit with me
I will be proud of you.

And I will remember you as my child
In every moment you would have been there with me.

Ryan o0o

* In honor of our Son, Little Ryan