All that I hated, I had become
From the man who was angry
To the man who was judgmental
To the man who controlled others
To the man who used others
To the man who ruled others
To the man who lied, cheated and stole
To the man who mislead many in darkness

All that I loved, was overlooked
From the path of resentment
Came untold darkness and shame
Blocking out all the good in others
Focusing blame away from my responsibility
Blinding me to truth
Shaping a reality of arrogance
Building a blindspot to my own fear

There is the man who made this man
Yet a child did I remain
Until such time I saw in myself
The reality of failure illuminated
The pressure of hardship awoken
The denial of self to preserve an idol of self
The lesson overlooked in rebellion
The love unfelt in departure from it

For my Father did love and did give
Of all that he had, was I given
From life lessons, life experience
Knowledge and wisdom
Grace and understanding
Peace and opportunity
Effort, time, forgiveness and help
To the very end also His great blessing

For my Father did produce
More than he was given
And He overcame
More than his Father had
And he built upon
All that His Father had given him
And he accepted the man
Who had been his Father

He had many curses
And many battles
And many demons to face
And many woes to overcome
And he did so in order to free his sons
For these challenges followed the fathers
From generation to generation
From beginning to end

Oh that we in this generation
Would forgive our Fathers!
So that our curses would end
And our darkness becomes light
And our understanding becomes clear
And our wisdom is made manifest
And our true path may reveal itself
And our real love may become known

For that which I hold against another
Is held against me
And that which I forgive not in another
Is forgiven not in me
And that which I hold another in account
Is a debt for which I must pay
And that which I blame of my Father
Is a matter for which I myself become

Even more so it is with family!
Even greater so it is with Father and Son
For men must become men
And cannot do so without forgiving their Father
Nor will they know the man they are
Or truly desire to be
Until such time
We forgive our Fathers!

And what grace upon doing so!
For it is then I remember his love
And then I remember my love
And then I remember his goodness
And then I remember my trust of him
And then I recall his wisdom
And then I hear his voice of care
And only then do I understand.

And behold, before me is a great man
My Father
My first hero and teacher
The one who faced great trouble
So that I may have a better life
The one who overcome terrible horror
So that I may live in peace
The man who improved himself always

Honor and courage
Integrity and justice
Honesty and willingness
Care and compassion
Peace and respect
Joy and sacrifice
Togetherness and love
These are the ways of my Father’s life

And not one would be known
If I had not forgiven him
And not that he had done wrong
But that I had judged
For I had wanted my wants
And demanded my way
And hoped for myself
And punished when I could not have

But the greatest of all
That my Father had given me
Was the humility of his love
For our Heavenly Father
And the curiosity
Of his worship
And the willing desire everyday
To follow God in all things

This to my heart
That my brothers may also be free
And to see their Fathers in light
Rather than in darkness
And to forgive their Fathers
And to break the generational curses
With the all powerful act of love
Found only in forgiveness

Ryan o0o

Dedicated to my Dad – Roger Ranney 1942-2020