Themes and Insights
A Moment of Grief
The Weight of Unspoken Love and Regret – A profound part of grief is the pain of unexpressed love—the words left unsaid, the moments not shared. This emotional weight can make loss feel eternal and inescapable.
The Balance Between Grief and Presence – While grief can be overwhelming, fully living in the present is necessary for healing. Honoring lost loved ones should not mean losing oneself in sorrow, but rather embracing the joy and connections still available.
The Struggle Against Societal Expectations – Many feel pressured to "move on" by those who misunderstand the depths of loss. The grieving process is often judged, with others imposing timelines and opinions that may not align with personal experiences.
The Role of Acceptance and Spiritual Reflection – True healing comes not from erasing grief but from integrating it into life. Through prayer, remembrance, and mindful presence, grief can become a companion rather than a crippling force, allowing for both sorrow and joy to coexist.
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A Moment of Grief
Anguish and pain encompass a life mercilessly upon the loss of one loved and dear. Everything becomes surreal, otherworldly, hellish and damning. In a single moment we suddenly experience the sensation of an eternity of futility before us. In yet another comes the mighty weight of unbearable heaviness that no heart could prepare for. Unrelenting in the waves upon us, still more lashes out as the soul is forced to relive every word and action of love we did not speak, we did not give, we did not share with our cherished departed. The prison door of our life slams shut as we realize… every tomorrow is gone.
Though we all seem to go through the same ritual of grief, for each of us it is definitively personal.
Some rebound quickly, finding a new purpose from the lesson of loss, enhancing themselves to a greater character and a more authentic approach to the future. “Ive wasted too much time on worthless things!” we will hear them say. “It’s time I bonded closer to those around me”.
Some of us tend to have some moral or ethical standard of understanding – handling grief for a preordained period of time before dusting ourselves off and getting back to work or daily life regardless of wether we have processed our loss or not. We get stuck in what we believe is normal. They will say “I need to get back to my life and move on.”
Others of us never seem to heal from loss, with a marked lowering of our laughter, our light, our hope so deep that others take note and witness the change in us. Friends and family whisper to one another that we have suffered, are not the same as we used to be, and that it was due to a death close to us in order to explain to one another why we have become darker. “He was the love of her life.” or, “They lost a child, so you know that’s hard to overcome.” No matter how much we wish to bury the pain and disappear, in a twist of irony our loss becomes a spectacle.
I am one who feels the loss of many loved ones every single day of my life. Though we have all moved on, and life began to grow again after each one we loved passed, the depth of the sorrow for them has never left me. Such a chain is not only damning to ones own life, but a thief to the lives of those we are still actively engaged with daily. The crippling affect of grief stops cold the ability to function, the ability to relate and share with the world and the ability to openly love and flourish in a relationship. It isn’t fair to anyone, it isn’t healthy to dwell within, and it isn’t possible to recover while in such powerful anguish.
Hundreds upon thousands will give advice and opinions and experience about letting go, finding peace, trusting God and that there was a plan for those who died, accepting that they are in heaven, or some other place more beautiful than here. Many will believe we must have regret so strong we are punishing ourselves, in self pity, or even worse – we are just playing victim to excuse ourselves of some selfish matter or another. Often times our friends and family will grow tired of our inability to “get over it, it was YEARS ago, you gotta move on man”. Almost everyone seems to have an opinion as to what is acceptable and what is not for someone else to experience as their pathway through grief. Especially when they believe we are not getting through it at all.
And if it is continually crippling, they are correct.
Despite my own personal variation of grief, which is extremely crippling, each day I do have laughter, joy, passion, functionality, progress, hope, and wonder. Every day I experience gratitude, rest, thankfulness, love, kindness and presence in the moments that present themselves to me and to others. That is the very key for me to continue with life without those I once loved and relied on. Presence. By focusing on where I am and what is going on, am I able to live in THAT moment and try to open my arms as much as possible to the gifts of that moment.
My wife and I will have a dinner together, we will discuss her day and our dreams, and laugh and talk and be a couple. I want to be THERE for her, and not a man stuck in my own memories of the past. I want to be there also for me, and discover the love of my wife as she shares about herself and things she is excited about. I do not want grief to steal any moment, for joy also exists.
At work, I wish to focus and be as good an employee as possible, giving clients my attention to details they require. At play also, making music or simply doing tasks – do I try to make myself present in those moments, so they are not in vain and without purpose.
I am aware that at some point, my grief will surface. Sure enough it does daily, and when it does, I also take THAT moment to honour those I am remembering and accept my feelings. I pause, take a time out, spend a few minutes to myself in grief, sometimes in tears, and recall the love and great gifts those we have lost had given to me. I hear them laugh, or remember something they told me. a Memory might surface about a certain event, or a special bond that happened one time when we shared something important together. In that am I also present, and embrace the sorrow as I would embrace a great joy.
These are my experiences, good and bad and everything in between. If I do not embrace the grief, I become crippled to embrace all the rest of life. If I do not embrace the joys and daily new events of life, I become crippled in grief. I must be willing to accept them all, good and bad, difficult and easy, wonderful and sorrowful, or I miss everything. I must be willing to be present, or I am stuck in the past, stealing every moment left from everyone else.
I do not believe anyone can tell another how they must handle grief, but I do believe we are responsible for how we handle grief. For many, they find their own way forward in time, where their loss does not hinder their life ahead after a process. But for some such as myself, no process will overcome the grief. I must allow it to be a part of me, and a part of my day everyday, but only a part. I must allow all other parts to thrive and grow and have merit and worth also. Good times and important moments are a huge factor to the reason why we have grief when another dies. I cannot let the former erase the current or the road ahead. Those wonderful moments today and tomorrow are worth more as an experience right now than they are as a memory later – especially if I was barely there in spirit.
Those moments of grief, remind me also to take a moment for prayer – which often helps me transition back to the next living moment.
They say – LIVE IN THE MOMENT, and this is a powerful tool. For I cannot process grief like a program. I sense it as an experience lived in. Therefore in order to not let life pass me by in crippling grief, nor rob my presence from those I love today because of it, do I also strive always to LIVE in all the other moments happening right now. There is a time for everything, and for me it is OK to have a few moments each day, set aside, to honor and remember those I grieve for. And then it is time for something else.
Ryan o0o
A Moment of Grief
Anguish and pain encompass a life mercilessly upon the loss of one loved and dear. Everything becomes surreal, otherworldly, hellish and damning. In a single moment we suddenly experience the sensation of an eternity of futility before us. In yet another comes the mighty weight of unbearable heaviness that no heart could prepare for. Unrelenting in the waves upon us, still more lashes out as the soul is forced to relive every word and action of love we did not speak, we did not give, we did not share with our cherished departed. The prison door of our life slams shut as we realize… every tomorrow is gone.
Though we all seem to go through the same ritual of grief, for each of us it is definitively personal.
Some rebound quickly, finding a new purpose from the lesson of loss, enhancing themselves to a greater character and a more authentic approach to the future. “Ive wasted too much time on worthless things!” we will hear them say. “It’s time I bonded closer to those around me”.
Some of us tend to have some moral or ethical standard of understanding – handling grief for a preordained period of time before dusting ourselves off and getting back to work or daily life regardless of wether we have processed our loss or not. We get stuck in what we believe is normal. They will say “I need to get back to my life and move on.”
Others of us never seem to heal from loss, with a marked lowering of our laughter, our light, our hope so deep that others take note and witness the change in us. Friends and family whisper to one another that we have suffered, are not the same as we used to be, and that it was due to a death close to us in order to explain to one another why we have become darker. “He was the love of her life.” or, “They lost a child, so you know that’s hard to overcome.” No matter how much we wish to bury the pain and disappear, in a twist of irony our loss becomes a spectacle.
I am one who feels the loss of many loved ones every single day of my life. Though we have all moved on, and life began to grow again after each one we loved passed, the depth of the sorrow for them has never left me. Such a chain is not only damning to ones own life, but a thief to the lives of those we are still actively engaged with daily. The crippling affect of grief stops cold the ability to function, the ability to relate and share with the world and the ability to openly love and flourish in a relationship. It isn’t fair to anyone, it isn’t healthy to dwell within, and it isn’t possible to recover while in such powerful anguish.
Hundreds upon thousands will give advice and opinions and experience about letting go, finding peace, trusting God and that there was a plan for those who died, accepting that they are in heaven, or some other place more beautiful than here. Many will believe we must have regret so strong we are punishing ourselves, in self pity, or even worse – we are just playing victim to excuse ourselves of some selfish matter or another. Often times our friends and family will grow tired of our inability to “get over it, it was YEARS ago, you gotta move on man”. Almost everyone seems to have an opinion as to what is acceptable and what is not for someone else to experience as their pathway through grief. Especially when they believe we are not getting through it at all.
And if it is continually crippling, they are correct.
Despite my own personal variation of grief, which is extremely crippling, each day I do have laughter, joy, passion, functionality, progress, hope, and wonder. Every day I experience gratitude, rest, thankfulness, love, kindness and presence in the moments that present themselves to me and to others. That is the very key for me to continue with life without those I once loved and relied on. Presence. By focusing on where I am and what is going on, am I able to live in THAT moment and try to open my arms as much as possible to the gifts of that moment.
My wife and I will have a dinner together, we will discuss her day and our dreams, and laugh and talk and be a couple. I want to be THERE for her, and not a man stuck in my own memories of the past. I want to be there also for me, and discover the love of my wife as she shares about herself and things she is excited about. I do not want grief to steal any moment, for joy also exists.
At work, I wish to focus and be as good an employee as possible, giving clients my attention to details they require. At play also, making music or simply doing tasks – do I try to make myself present in those moments, so they are not in vain and without purpose.
I am aware that at some point, my grief will surface. Sure enough it does daily, and when it does, I also take THAT moment to honour those I am remembering and accept my feelings. I pause, take a time out, spend a few minutes to myself in grief, sometimes in tears, and recall the love and great gifts those we have lost had given to me. I hear them laugh, or remember something they told me. a Memory might surface about a certain event, or a special bond that happened one time when we shared something important together. In that am I also present, and embrace the sorrow as I would embrace a great joy.
These are my experiences, good and bad and everything in between. If I do not embrace the grief, I become crippled to embrace all the rest of life. If I do not embrace the joys and daily new events of life, I become crippled in grief. I must be willing to accept them all, good and bad, difficult and easy, wonderful and sorrowful, or I miss everything. I must be willing to be present, or I am stuck in the past, stealing every moment left from everyone else.
I do not believe anyone can tell another how they must handle grief, but I do believe we are responsible for how we handle grief. For many, they find their own way forward in time, where their loss does not hinder their life ahead after a process. But for some such as myself, no process will overcome the grief. I must allow it to be a part of me, and a part of my day everyday, but only a part. I must allow all other parts to thrive and grow and have merit and worth also. Good times and important moments are a huge factor to the reason why we have grief when another dies. I cannot let the former erase the current or the road ahead. Those wonderful moments today and tomorrow are worth more as an experience right now than they are as a memory later – especially if I was barely there in spirit.
Those moments of grief, remind me also to take a moment for prayer – which often helps me transition back to the next living moment.
They say – LIVE IN THE MOMENT, and this is a powerful tool. For I cannot process grief like a program. I sense it as an experience lived in. Therefore in order to not let life pass me by in crippling grief, nor rob my presence from those I love today because of it, do I also strive always to LIVE in all the other moments happening right now. There is a time for everything, and for me it is OK to have a few moments each day, set aside, to honor and remember those I grieve for. And then it is time for something else.
Ryan o0o
Themes and Insights
A Moment of Grief
The Weight of Unspoken Love and Regret – A profound part of grief is the pain of unexpressed love—the words left unsaid, the moments not shared. This emotional weight can make loss feel eternal and inescapable.
The Balance Between Grief and Presence – While grief can be overwhelming, fully living in the present is necessary for healing. Honoring lost loved ones should not mean losing oneself in sorrow, but rather embracing the joy and connections still available.
The Struggle Against Societal Expectations – Many feel pressured to "move on" by those who misunderstand the depths of loss. The grieving process is often judged, with others imposing timelines and opinions that may not align with personal experiences.
The Role of Acceptance and Spiritual Reflection – True healing comes not from erasing grief but from integrating it into life. Through prayer, remembrance, and mindful presence, grief can become a companion rather than a crippling force, allowing for both sorrow and joy to coexist.
A Moment of Grief
Anguish and pain encompass a life mercilessly upon the loss of one loved and dear. Everything becomes surreal, otherworldly, hellish and damning. In a single moment we suddenly experience the sensation of an eternity of futility before us. In yet another comes the mighty weight of unbearable heaviness that no heart could prepare for. Unrelenting in the waves upon us, still more lashes out as the soul is forced to relive every word and action of love we did not speak, we did not give, we did not share with our cherished departed. The prison door of our life slams shut as we realize… every tomorrow is gone.
Though we all seem to go through the same ritual of grief, for each of us it is definitively personal.
Some rebound quickly, finding a new purpose from the lesson of loss, enhancing themselves to a greater character and a more authentic approach to the future. “Ive wasted too much time on worthless things!” we will hear them say. “It’s time I bonded closer to those around me”.
Some of us tend to have some moral or ethical standard of understanding – handling grief for a preordained period of time before dusting ourselves off and getting back to work or daily life regardless of wether we have processed our loss or not. We get stuck in what we believe is normal. They will say “I need to get back to my life and move on.”
Others of us never seem to heal from loss, with a marked lowering of our laughter, our light, our hope so deep that others take note and witness the change in us. Friends and family whisper to one another that we have suffered, are not the same as we used to be, and that it was due to a death close to us in order to explain to one another why we have become darker. “He was the love of her life.” or, “They lost a child, so you know that’s hard to overcome.” No matter how much we wish to bury the pain and disappear, in a twist of irony our loss becomes a spectacle.
I am one who feels the loss of many loved ones every single day of my life. Though we have all moved on, and life began to grow again after each one we loved passed, the depth of the sorrow for them has never left me. Such a chain is not only damning to ones own life, but a thief to the lives of those we are still actively engaged with daily. The crippling affect of grief stops cold the ability to function, the ability to relate and share with the world and the ability to openly love and flourish in a relationship. It isn’t fair to anyone, it isn’t healthy to dwell within, and it isn’t possible to recover while in such powerful anguish.
Hundreds upon thousands will give advice and opinions and experience about letting go, finding peace, trusting God and that there was a plan for those who died, accepting that they are in heaven, or some other place more beautiful than here. Many will believe we must have regret so strong we are punishing ourselves, in self pity, or even worse – we are just playing victim to excuse ourselves of some selfish matter or another. Often times our friends and family will grow tired of our inability to “get over it, it was YEARS ago, you gotta move on man”. Almost everyone seems to have an opinion as to what is acceptable and what is not for someone else to experience as their pathway through grief. Especially when they believe we are not getting through it at all.
And if it is continually crippling, they are correct.
Despite my own personal variation of grief, which is extremely crippling, each day I do have laughter, joy, passion, functionality, progress, hope, and wonder. Every day I experience gratitude, rest, thankfulness, love, kindness and presence in the moments that present themselves to me and to others. That is the very key for me to continue with life without those I once loved and relied on. Presence. By focusing on where I am and what is going on, am I able to live in THAT moment and try to open my arms as much as possible to the gifts of that moment.
My wife and I will have a dinner together, we will discuss her day and our dreams, and laugh and talk and be a couple. I want to be THERE for her, and not a man stuck in my own memories of the past. I want to be there also for me, and discover the love of my wife as she shares about herself and things she is excited about. I do not want grief to steal any moment, for joy also exists.
At work, I wish to focus and be as good an employee as possible, giving clients my attention to details they require. At play also, making music or simply doing tasks – do I try to make myself present in those moments, so they are not in vain and without purpose.
I am aware that at some point, my grief will surface. Sure enough it does daily, and when it does, I also take THAT moment to honour those I am remembering and accept my feelings. I pause, take a time out, spend a few minutes to myself in grief, sometimes in tears, and recall the love and great gifts those we have lost had given to me. I hear them laugh, or remember something they told me. a Memory might surface about a certain event, or a special bond that happened one time when we shared something important together. In that am I also present, and embrace the sorrow as I would embrace a great joy.
These are my experiences, good and bad and everything in between. If I do not embrace the grief, I become crippled to embrace all the rest of life. If I do not embrace the joys and daily new events of life, I become crippled in grief. I must be willing to accept them all, good and bad, difficult and easy, wonderful and sorrowful, or I miss everything. I must be willing to be present, or I am stuck in the past, stealing every moment left from everyone else.
I do not believe anyone can tell another how they must handle grief, but I do believe we are responsible for how we handle grief. For many, they find their own way forward in time, where their loss does not hinder their life ahead after a process. But for some such as myself, no process will overcome the grief. I must allow it to be a part of me, and a part of my day everyday, but only a part. I must allow all other parts to thrive and grow and have merit and worth also. Good times and important moments are a huge factor to the reason why we have grief when another dies. I cannot let the former erase the current or the road ahead. Those wonderful moments today and tomorrow are worth more as an experience right now than they are as a memory later – especially if I was barely there in spirit.
Those moments of grief, remind me also to take a moment for prayer – which often helps me transition back to the next living moment.
They say – LIVE IN THE MOMENT, and this is a powerful tool. For I cannot process grief like a program. I sense it as an experience lived in. Therefore in order to not let life pass me by in crippling grief, nor rob my presence from those I love today because of it, do I also strive always to LIVE in all the other moments happening right now. There is a time for everything, and for me it is OK to have a few moments each day, set aside, to honor and remember those I grieve for. And then it is time for something else.
Ryan o0o
Themes and Insights
A Moment of Grief
The Weight of Unspoken Love and Regret – A profound part of grief is the pain of unexpressed love—the words left unsaid, the moments not shared. This emotional weight can make loss feel eternal and inescapable.
The Balance Between Grief and Presence – While grief can be overwhelming, fully living in the present is necessary for healing. Honoring lost loved ones should not mean losing oneself in sorrow, but rather embracing the joy and connections still available.
The Struggle Against Societal Expectations – Many feel pressured to "move on" by those who misunderstand the depths of loss. The grieving process is often judged, with others imposing timelines and opinions that may not align with personal experiences.
The Role of Acceptance and Spiritual Reflection – True healing comes not from erasing grief but from integrating it into life. Through prayer, remembrance, and mindful presence, grief can become a companion rather than a crippling force, allowing for both sorrow and joy to coexist.
