I am grateful for the days of my poverty
And everything it did provide

I have known the poverty
of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual

All forms of hell has life shown me
of lack
of despair
of sorrow
of powerlessness
of hopelessness
of isolation
of unkindness
of drunkenness
of lies
of ridicule and curses
of sickness
of punishment
of false accusation
of hunger
of loss
of discouragement
of slavery and servitude
of faithlessness
of suffering
of fear and anger
of insanity and futility
of poverty even of the spirit itself
 
It is possible to magnify powerlessness
It is possible to magnify suffering
It is possible to magnify the bottomless pit
this I have been shown in great detail.
 
The grace of poverty
has been the absolute experience
of knowing what no other knows
feeling what no other feels
giving when no one sees
being stolen from when no one defends
and having to accept that it may never end

The loss of that hopeful idea of God
how terrible that is.
How truly terrible it is to feel outcast and unwanted.
 
And to live with this unending thirst for righteousness
is truly inexpressible. 
 
The broken heart
and tormented mind
had tasked every corner of my spirit.
Especially because there is no bottom
to the love I hold for my wife and family
whose daily life is often taunted by sickness.

But of these lessons – did I find gratitude
 
Where despair is magnified
so is love
There is no despair without love
 
Where sorrow is increased
so too is love increased
There is no sorrow without love
 
Where faith has departed
love has increased
there is no faithlessness without great love of faith
 
Where fear is expanded
so also does love grow greater
there is no fear without love
 
Even science knows these things.
Yet I did not.
Even logic knows, you cannot dig a hole without making a pile
 
There is nothing on earth
that transcends all, but Love
and love can increase with loss & gain

Yet a great evil on this earth
is that the judgment of man
often decreases love
with both loss and gain
 
There is no treasure on earth
that can purchase love
yet man will go to his grave believing so
buying all he can in search of love
But we can MAKE love from thin air
From spirit and all that is life
 
And what I love about Love
is that love grows even in death
just as it grows in life
 
And in life, death itself dies.
 
I stand today loving my wife, my family, my friends
in such a way that all the knowledge and treasure on earth
could never have taught me,
Not the wisest man
not the journey of millions of miles
not the teachings of every culture
or the ancient scribbles of sacred books.
 
Only poverty of the flesh
Poverty of the heart
poverty of the soul and spirit
Poverty of every emotion…
only nothingness could increase my love
for a time.
 
I stand now knowing nothing
but the lives of others
and the love in me for them.
 
Yet through it all
even in times of great distress
my wife and I could find our sabbath
in the love we share with each other.
 
Even when the world has torn us apart
Our rest is given to us in time
and in darkness we find each other’s light.

For even the smallest kindness is magnified
When the pit of sorrow is so deep
and we feel the sunlight of another’s care

Even the slightest moment of peace is magnified
and glorified
When scarce it is found

Yes life was not meant to be so harsh and full of distress
Neither were we meant to live without comfort and rest

But who can find such goodness
When ungrateful for their blessings
When disregarding their gifts
When complacent and complaining
And taking for granted their life?

For if blessings do not teach us to be grateful
And goodness does not open us to humility
And peace does not cause us to thank our Creator

Then poverty of all things human will do so
 
Yes there is great hell on earth
and here only will we find it
as so many do.
Blessed are they who have increased the giving of love.
 
I was before as a barren land
with stolen riches.
a Desert full of shiny trinkets. 
 
Now I am as a fertile, replenished land
waiting for the Great Gardener
and the rain
and the sun
 
This has been the revelation of my Soul
and the Prophecy of my own book
just as the men before me did know.

Ryan o0o