Friends,

I have to believe in a life after this. I have to believe we shall all return to a place of everlasting growth, discovery and universal understanding. I have to believe in this eternity of spirit, this kingdom of heaven, this place of our origins.

As I look to the whole of the experience of my life, I must believe in these things.

I think of my Father, my Mother, my Brother, my Sisters. I think of my Wives, my Girlfriends, my Lovers. I think of my friends.

I think of the children who look to me for knowledge.

And I think they have always been more important than is humanly possible to understand.

Never has there been enough time, enough honesty, enough space, enough opportunity for we humans to share ourselves with each other.

I want a million years to discuss creation with my father. I want a million years to experience life with my mother. I want a million years to create music with my brother. I want a million years to understand my sisters.

I want to be the soul that was promised to my wife. I want to be the spirit my she saw in me. I want to give back in every way what she gives to me.

I want to share everything I know and love with my friends. I want eternity to learn about them. I want to be a part of their life and their dreams. I want to see what they see, hear what they hear, and feel what they feel. I want to laugh forever with my friends.

I want to be an equal to those who are children now.

I want eternity with those that I love and who have loved me. I want to be open to them all, every part. I want to have perfect understanding and justice between us. I want them to know and to feel my love for them.

With shame my own example has been limited. How often I have been in awe of those who have shared with me. Their secrets they gave to me, their tears they shed with me, their lives they opened to me, and their hearts they placed in my hands. Even the very best of my care is nothing compared to how I have wished to express gratitude for them.

All my days there has been a great emptiness in me because of our limitations. Those who have shared a moment with me cast away that loneliness. Each moment I am away from my family, my loved ones, and my friends… I miss them. I feel their absence from my heart, and I wonder about them. I want to see them succeed in all they do, I want to know they are happy and have found their path. Each day I am reminded about how I cannot always see them, hold them, speak to them, and laugh with them.

Life on earth is so full of this limited time/space emptiness. Life on earth makes it difficult to sometimes find the potential we have in us for each other. But this too improves everyday!

In solitude I may find rest, but memories are what come to me then. Even alone I think upon you.

I want eternity to be your son.
I want eternity to be your brother.
I want eternity to be your husband.
I want eternity to be your lover.
I want eternity to be your friend.
I want eternity to be for those who call me dad and uncle, cousin and nephew.
I want eternity to share my love with you.

I must believe in a greater purpose. I must believe we have some place to go after this. I must believe in God. I must hope above all hope for this. I could not endure life without this dream. Humanity is far too short, and it is far too empty, and it is far too vain, and it is far too apart from the moments I want to share with everyone.

Those who are blessed may find one that they can spend their life with. Yet even this can be difficult. For how many moments do we lose to our ego and our self-righteousness? How many moments do we lose to our anger and our vain self-importance? How many others do we dismiss because of our limited ability to even share with one? Yet many do not even have someone to hold tonight, or tomorrow. Many do not even have a family to call their own. I wish all who live would know love deeply.

I must believe for all these reasons. I must believe in eternal life. I must believe our spirits are forever. Without this, without the idea of God… there is nothing for me to hope for. Without this, my life is a dwindling collection of fading memories. Without this great belief, I dwell in perpetual bewilderment.

Thanks and Glory go to God, for I believe we are eternal even now, and each and every day we share together is a blessing and a joy. Everyday I promise to continue to grow and to become closer to those whom God has given me to know and share in this life.

(added in 2024) Each day I give thanks for my family, and friends, and my Wife. Each day, I see the love of God in my grandchildren’s eyes.  Each day I am I awe of the miracles and experiences of others that they share with me. No, there is never enough time here under the sun… but maybe one day, we will know no limits to our understanding and love between us all.

For now, I hope to continue to share with everyone what God reveals to me about life, and to open my ears even more to what God has revealed to yours. I look forward to each day, because I believe it is forever.

Ryan o0o