Change is never easy
wether forced or chosen or otherwise
when prepared or not
it has a price beforehand
and after

If we flee from change
or seek change
it matters not
because it is coming
anyway

There are those who explore the fringes
of what mans body can do
they are a marvel of accomplishment
climbing mountain
diving deep
traversing forest
forging ahead in space
where none have gone before

There are those who explore the fringes of science
and culture and race and pattern and law
along with those who explore the nature of
religion and the universe and the awe of philosophy
climbing thought and will and determination
to expose a mystery forgot long ago
or perhaps
never known

There are also those
who have explored time and chance and choice and change
living out as many lives as one can
within the space of one life
and one breath of life
while loved ones fall away into the great vault
until our emotional explorers stand again as a newborn
knowing nothing

There is no sanctuary
no safety
no support of such endeavors
it is a place of conscious courage
in the face of brutal instinctual fear
to walk into the unknown
to live a life unknown
to be as another
to be humbled by life
in all its unforgiving forces
as the gift of change

The goals of many explorers are to reach the peak
or to awaken to a new idea
or to find the deepest cavern in the waters
or to unearth the oldest text

But those who explore time and chance and choice and change
may do all of these things in their quest
and their goal is unlike them all
by choice or by force of life
their task is that of maintaining sanity
in the face of far too many experiences
with the prize of multiple conceptions
unravelling time

Just now as I write this
there is a song playing
and I recall this very song from ten years ago
and knowing then this exact moment now
that all of my life would be different
long before it was
and knowing I would have to walk through the horrors
of my mind and life and will
changing everything
altering everything

Oh how I feared that so deeply
thus making it even more inescapable
that it would be
where no cup could be passed over
because that which was even before this
had revealed enough to open that moment
of knowing now
ten years later

And truly time and space have all been altered
as I sit not where I was
nor am I near those I was near
nor am I as I once was
then
when I heard the song the first time
and it revealed this moment to me

And this I think is different only in its ability to be denied
that all souls could crack the walls of time and even space
except that denial of what they do not want to know
prevents
whereas the explorer has already forfeit that ignorant serenity

It is not easy to look back
and see the face of another
upon my own skin
knowing he is no more
and this is true of all who have experienced change

And it is not easy
to let go before it even happens
knowing it is coming
because we love who we love
and we desire what we desire
and we feel secure in what we feel secure in
and we have an instinct that wishes to hold on forever
never letting go of that one perfect moment
in our mind
in our life
in our peacefulness before the change

And we sit and witness those
who stay in one place
and raise generations in one home
and live out their lives with one endeavor
becoming masters of their craft
to die in their beds as old men
the same bed of their youth
surrounded by grandchildren
and we marvel

To know not the security of time
is to know the value of another unchanged
though in the end all still question their life
as some question
their many lives
as they carry them all
in every time
just as anyone does
as their life progresses
with any change at all

To explore choice
is to know there is no peak to reach
and no final valley of ones conquering
it is to know we must always be teachable
until the very end
we must always be willing to let go of everything
for no one moment holds the answer
as others are blessed to find their key
what awe and grace to witness
that in time we hope for our end
where our key rests
in our final breath
of change

Ryan o0o